Tapped by the Prez

While St. Elias Stables co-owner Vince Viola has removed his name as nominee for Secretary of the Army, President Trump is still looking to horse racing to help fill out his many cabinet posts and other important positions, and we’ve been able to find out about some of these along with comments from our Commander-in-Chief.

Trump has tapped California Chrome’s co-owner and noted public speaker Perry Martin as the newly-created position of Secretary of Offense.

“I liked what I saw when Mr. Martin spoke at the Eclipse Awards,” President Trump related. “He told the crooked racing media, including the Daily Racing Form, BloodHorse and Paulick Report exactly what they could do with their fake news and I was very impressed.”

Trump has also asked Frank Stronach to be his chief economic adviser and is awaiting an answer. “Do you realize what he did with the Pegasus World Cup?” Trump said. “He basically got 11 other people to put up a million dollars each for a pig in a poke many months down the line.

“That’s the kind of thinking we need to get the U.S. economy rolling again and with Frank’s help, that’s exactly what we’ll do. This is an Austrian we can trust, unlike that movie action hero and bad Governor who’s getting those awful ratings on The Celebrity Apprentice.”

For Under-Secretary of Energy, our fearless leader is tabbing jockey Mike Smith. “Mike Smith has the energy of someone half his age and I feel he will be a great fit for this position.

“Mike used to ride Zenyatta, and I think our country is currently like that great mare down the backstretch – well behind the field. But with my leadership we will be like Zenyatta in the stretch and make America great again!”

Former CHRB commissioner Steve Beneto is Trump’s choice for Inspector General. “Steve is a man who speaks his mind and isn’t afraid to ask the tough questions. I was extremely impressed with the way he got those extra racing days for the Sacramento Fair.”

In addition, Trump has announced that Bill O’Reilly will be starting pitcher for the White House softball team while Sean Hannity will be in his usual position as catcher.

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It’s obvious that Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank isn’t a horseplayer, as he would never have gone down to the sidelines with his wife during what he thought would be the final quarter of the Super Bowl.

Anybody who plays the ponies knows there are a few things you never do – like heading to the window to cash before they hit the finish line, telling your friend “You Got It” at the sixteenth pole or making plans for your winnings before the Official sign is put up.

Watching the Falcons do their epic collapse was sad, but the many television close-ups of Blank and his wife during this meltdown was downright excruciating.

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ratzkym@yahoo.com @TashmanMortyS