Carbonated Water Controversy Grows

Richard Stemmar, president Sparkling Ice Carbonated Water Inc, has announced that the company will file for immediate Chapter 11 Bankruptcy protection following this week’s revelation that drinking the product can produce false positives on breathalyzer tests.

The situation came to light on Wednesday at the Del Mar racetrack near San Diego when jockey Kent Desormeaux had a positive reading on a breathalyzer, but was able to subsequently prove to the stewards that it was caused by drinking Sparkling Ice Carbonated Water.

“This is yuuuggee,” said Presidential candidate Donald Trump when he learned of the controversy on Thursday. “The second thing I plan to do as President, following complete immigration reform, is to resolve this issue.”

Both Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell and House Majority leader John Beohner have announced they will hold hearings next month on the matter, while the law firm of Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz has already filed a class action lawsuit on behalf of those convicted of DUI’s over the last seven years, the period of time Sparkling Ice Carbonated Water has been on the market.

As of noon Friday, stock in the company had dropped 89% to less than $12 a share.

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